The Divisions
by trapnest doll
Summary: Various happenings of Ichigo, Rukia, and the others, inspired by the tv show The Office. IchiRuki.
1. Less Talk, More Success

Ichigo shuffled through the papers in his hands as he walked over to Renji's desk. The past 2 days, he and Rukia had been working in the 6th division instead of the 13th- which he had recently become captain of. Byakuya had gotten a very bad case of the flu, and so, he had to stay home.

Rukia, being the worry-wart she was, had refused to stay put. Not wanting her brother's division to go crazy in his absense, she'd come down to help out for the past two days. Ichigo had come with her, mostly because he didn't want her running around there when she was 8 months pregnant- running wasn't even really an option at this point.

Regardless, he found himself with an armful of Byakuya's paperwork- and worse, he had to figure out how to do it, considering it was work from another division.

"Renji," he stood at Renji's desk, placing a paper in front of him, "So, I looked at these two papers.. they're the same, but the numbers are different. Can you see which one's the original?"

"Yes." Renji nodded, taking the paper, "Me do."

"Alright." Ichigo nodded and walked away, only to stop suddenly in the middle of the room, his brows furrowing as Renji's response echoed in his mind.

 _'Me do.'_

He walked away, concern etched on his face.

* * *

"Rukia!"

Rukia's gaze remained fixed on the papers scattered on her brother's desk as her husband hurriedly entered into the room "Hm?"

"I think something's wrong with Renji."

"What do you mean?" she replied, only half paying attention. Ichigo tapped his foot impatiently.

"I _mean_ , I think he might have hit his head and have a concussion or something. I need you to come see this."

"I'm sure he's just being himself, Ichigo."

"No. This is different! This isn't like the time he was talking baby talk 24/7! Rukia, I can't explain it- you need to come look at this."

"I'm busy," she sorted through some papers, annoyed as she attempted to move her chair closer to the desk only to be stopped by her grown stomach, "Don't you think you might be overreacting just a _little_ bit, babe?"

She glanced up when she noticed his shadow cast over her. He stood there, his face completely serious. "Rukia. I really want you to come with me."

She sighed quietly.

* * *

(5 minutes later)

* * *

Rukia stood next to Renji's desk, her hand holding the edge for support, the other rested on her rounded tummy. Ichigo stood on the other side of the desk. He glanced at her for a moment before looking down at Renji.

"Hey Renji, so what were you saying about the paperwork earlier?"

Rikichi, who was also in the room looking through a filing cabinet, looked up in interest as Renji looked up, a slightly confused look on his face, "Me do, now. Go. Stop worry."

"Renji, do you feel okay?" Rukia's eyebrow raised slightly as she leaned over, looking at his face in concern.

"Me feel great. Body strong. Sleep long last night." Renji replied, looking up at her plainly.

Rukia looked over at Ichigo, her expression now worried. "Ok, I think we should take him to the fourth."

"No, no it's not a big deal, really!" Rikichi spoke up, standing up with a bunch of files in his hands, "Abarai-fukutaicho has always been like that-"

"No he hasn't," Rukia replied, shaking her head in concern. Ichigo nodded vigorously behind her.

"I mean, he's gotten worse over the years, but it's nothing like that," Rikichi continued, "He has a theory that shortening his sentences will save him time."

The young couple turned back to Renji, who was nodding at them.

"Renji," Rukia sighed as Ichigo pulled the chair over so she could sit down, "Can you please explain what you're doing?"

"Well," Renji put his brush down, "Me think, why say lot word when few word do trick? Less word, save time. More success."

"Does it really save time though?" Ichigo spoke up from his place standing behind Rukia's chair, his arms folded across his chest in annoyance, "Because we've been here for 20 minutes thinking you've gone and cracked your skull."

"Really. At the most, you're saving a microscopic amount of time." Rukia added.

Renji stared at them with pursed lips before sighing, "Fine, I'll talk normally."


	2. Baby Talk

Renji walked through the hallway in the 13th division, entering the open door of Rukia's office, he stood in the doorway, "Hey Rukia. Ichigo said you wanted to talk to me earlier?"

Rukia eyes flickered up as she nodded, "Yeah. Sit down."

"Is it serious?" Renji asked innocently as he sat down in the chair in front of Rukia's desk. He paused as he regarded Rukia, who was expressionless as she fiddled with the framed picture of Ichigo's sisters she had on her desk before leaning back in her chair, staring back at him.

"..Wow." Renji's tone was clearly nervous as he spoke, "Wenji's a wittle scaywed-"

"Right there." Rukia leaned forward in her chair, pointing at him, "There's the problem. I've-" she rested her elbows on her desk, "-been hearing from some of the officers in your division that you have been... talking baby talk."

Renji's expression was half caught, half surprised, "..Why would people say that...?"

Rukia opened her desk drawer, "Well, I have it on good authority that you said the following." she took a note card out of her drawer and held it out to him. "Can you read that back to me?"

Renji took the card from her hesitantly, staring at it for a moment before reading aloud, " _..Wenji have a boo-boo tummy._ "

RUkia was silent, staring at him with an accusing expression as Renji looked up at her, his face indignant, "Would you rather me say, 'Hey guys my stomach is acting up-"

"Ok-"

"-Crazy diarrhea happening'? Cause things can get _real_ adult _real_ fast!" his expression was annoyed now as he frowned at her almost childishly.

Rukia took another note card from her drawer, "You are also on record as saying (reads) " _Wittle-ittle, footy-wooty, numb-numbs, jammies aw fuzzy-wuzzy, widicuwous, and Sei-Wei-Tei'_."

"Do I sometimes replace r's with w's? Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across?" Renji tone was sarcastic, "Well if I do, _Wenji sowwy!-_ "

"You CAN'T be a baby when you're at work in the division." Rukia stared at him pointedly, "It makes Nii-sama look like he hires babies."

"He wasn't even the one that originally hired me."

"It doesn't matter, you're his vice captain aren't you?" Rukia sighed, leaning back in her chair again, "Look, you can leave the baby talk now or have to deal with discussing it with Nii-sama later."

Renji stared at her for a moment before sighing in defeat, "Fine. I'll watch the baby voice."

"Thank you." she watched as he stood up and walked towards the door. Rukia didn't know what made her say it- maybe it was the pregnancy hormones- but she called out, "Hey, Renji."

"Yeah?" he paused in her doorway, glancing over his shoulder. Rukia sighed.

"For what its worth, I think your baby voice is tops."

Renji paused for a moment before smiling, "Tank yew Wukia."

Rukia smiled, rolling her eyes.

"Your welcome baby."


	3. Renji and the Portable Grill

It was a lovely Thursday afternoon in the 13th division. Captain Kurosaki Ichigo sat at his desk, sorting through paperwork with his chin propped in his hand, leaning against the desk as he worked quietly.

Some distance away, Rukia sat with her legs folded on the floor of her living room in a relaxed manner, looking at her phone in one hand, the other holding their 2 week old daughter, bundled and asleep in a pink baby blanket and hat.

"Here, Rukia-nee," Yuzu had returned from the kitchen, holding a tiny bottle in her hand, which she held out to her before sitting down in the gap between Rukia and Karin, who was playing a game on her phone in boredom.

Next to Rukia, Momo watched as Rukia took the bottle, murmuring her thanks. Momo leaned closer to Rukia's ear before whispering, "Rukia, don't let Rangiku-san take her, I haven't gotten to hold her yet-"

"Hey!" Rangiku exclaimed from her seat on the couch, "I only got to hold her for a few minutes!"

"You had her for like half an hour!"

"Not true!"

"I haven't held her yet, either. Neither has Soifon!" Yoruichi jabbed her thumb in Soifon's direction, who stood a little behind her. "Ah Yoruchi-sama, I-I don't-"

"Nonsense! A captain should be experienced in many things, Soifon. Lets have her here!"

Momo sat upright at this, "W-Wait, I haven't-"

"A line, a line! I'M going first, who wants to go after?" Rangiku called out, only to have glares shot at her.

"No you already held her, Hinamori can go first, then me and then Soifon."

"I-I really don't mind not having a turn-"

Nanao pushed her glasses up her nose slightly, "I also haven't gotten a chance to hold the-" she glanced at the pink bundle in Rukia's arms, a slight blush crossing her own face, "-precious little one yet, and Rangiku-san HAs been hogging her."

"Hey!"

"Me, neither," Inoue called out as she returned into the room after having put her 5 month old son to sleep in the guest room across the hall. She sat down on the couch next to Rangiku and Tatsuki, "I'd like to hold her, she's so sweet!"

"M-Me, as well please!" Isane waved her hand from her seat on the floor across from Rukia.

"I," everyone fell quiet when Nemu, who had been standing silently next to the couch Rangiku sat on, spoke suddenly, "Would also like to experience holding the infant."

"Okay, then," Kiyone clapped her hands, "Let's see- Hinamori-san, then Inoue-san, Yoruichi-san, Nanao-san, Nee-san, Nemu-san, Soifon-taicho, and THEN Rangiku-san!"

"Hey, that's not fair, why am I last?! I only got to hold her for 10 minutes!"

Rukia, who had been watching silently as the fate of her tiny daughter was being decided, shrugged and passed the sleeping infant to Hinamori, who eagerly took her and gasped, "She's so light! Look at the way she grimaces, oh, _Rukia!"_

"She has my husband's expressions," Rukia commented as she stood, stretching lightly, "I'll be back in a few minutes okay?" she nodded to Yuzu and Karin, who nodded back while Karin gave her a thumbs up while still playing on her phone.

"Wait, Rukia," Momo looked up at her from her place on the floor, still cradling the infant in her arms, "I think- she's waking up,"

Indeed, the baby's sweet little indigo eyes were squinting and blinking in an attempt to wake up as she fussed lightly and made little baby noises. Rukia swept her hair behind her shoulder, "Just rock her and she'll go back to sleep, otherwise she'll cry. Don't worry, she'll sleep as long as someone's holding her, she's addicted to being cradled and held." she walked over to the door, murmuring in amusement more to herself than the girls, "Ichigo never puts her down," before walking out of the room.

Kuukaku, who had come to see her neice and also to indulge in Isshin's request to be present, chuckled, "The poor thing can't have a break."

* * *

Meanwhile, Rukia had flashstepped to the 13th division, walking into Ichigo's office hurriedly, "Ichigo?"

"Hey, sorry for bothering you right now.." he paused, "Where's-"

"She's fine, I left her at home, she's with the rest of the girls." when Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, she quickly added, "And your sisters, if that's not enough for you. Sorry, I know you want to have her glued to you but it just isn't possible," she said teasingly as she walked inside, closing the door behind her.

Ichigo pouted but nodded as Rukia hopped up onto his desk and reached out, pinching his cheek affectionately, "So what is it?"

"Did you," he leaned on his elbow propped on the desk, tapping her thigh absently, "happen to get a call from Renji a few minutes ago?"

"No.." Rukia paused, "Why?"

"He sent me a text message saying.." his voice trailed off as he turned his phone on, continuing, "EMERGENCY, HELP, COME RIGHT AWAY," Ichigo read off his phone before looking back up at his wife, "I don't know why."

"Call him," Rukia suggested, pushing the phone towards his direction. Ichigo picked up the phone, dialing Renji's number and hearing it pick up after a single ring. "Renji?"

Rukia pressed the speakerphone button in time as Renji responded, _"ICHIGO! Thank god you've responded- aghhhh!"_

"What?" Ichigo exchanged a concerned look with Rukia before looking back to the phone, "Renji, what's wrong?"

 _"I need your help! I burned my foot, I can't walk and I need you to help me before taicho-"_

"Wait hold on, Renji," Rukia chimed in now, "It's me, Rukia- what did you say happened?"

 _"I was cooking on my mini grill and I accidentally stepped on it and burned my foot, and I need you to come help me go to the 4th division before taicho comes!"_

"You- burned- your _foot?"_ Ichigo pursed his lips, trying not to laugh, "On your _portable grill?"_

 _"YES!"_ Renji screamed, _"I was grilling the meat and I accidentally stepped on it and it clamped on my foot!"_ Renji's voice wavered as if he were in great pain, _"I need to go to the 4th!"_

"Renji why do you want Ichigo to come? can't you ask one of your own officers?"

 _"Everyone's gone, its after work hours, taicho will be here any minute to see if I've completed the work I've been putting off!"_

"What about your girlfriend?" Ichigo questioned, "Didn't you say you went out with someone last weekend?"

 _"That was all made up."_

The married duo exchanged amused looks with each other.

"Renji, can't you just.. hop?" Rukia questioned innocently, glancing over at her husband who had now placed both hands on his face and plopped his head into her lap to keep from laughing aloud.

 _"No I can't hop, RUKIA!"_ Renji screeched, _"I already tried hopping and I bumped my elbow against the wall, and now my elbow has a protuberance!-_ _WOAH WOAH WOAAAAAAAAAAH!"_ there was a large crashing sound in the background, and Renji screamed, _"Oh, GODDDDDD!"_

"Renji?- Okay you know what, Ichigo is coming there okay?" Rukia replied, pushing her hair behind her ear, "Ichigo is going to come and help you so just stop screaming and wait for him."

 _"Please!- wait Rukia, can't you come too!?"_

Rukia paused, "Why?"

 _"Just come here with him!"_

Rukia raised an eyebrow, glancing at Ichigo, who shrugged, before continuing, "Tell me before I come."

 _"I need you to rub butter on my foot."_ Renji's voice was strained, and slightly desperate, _"Please? Its country croc."_

"NO."


End file.
